Jennifer Lawrence and Jackson Rathbone
Jennifer Lawrence and Jackson Rathbone
that moment when your main rp decides to shut down, and you feel like you were just broken up with
When Gretchen woke up this morning, she’d felt off. Probably due to the fact that she hadn’t even really woken up. She’d laid in bed until it was six, and then got up to prepare for the day like any other time. It was the second night in a row that she hadn’t fallen asleep. She should’ve known that it was eventually going to come to this, having gotten less and less hours of sleep since she first started taking adderall. First it dropped down to six, then three, then one. Now she was literally laying in bed for hours at a time, trying to force her body to shut down and only finding that her mind wouldn’t let her.
When she got in to school, her usual perky and bubbly attitude was nowhere to be seen, and the pep in her step was replaced by a sluggish walk that could’ve been mistaken as a zombie shuffle. She tried to keep up the front she’d been putting on for weeks now, but every time she opened her mouth, the lies that she spewed just didn’t seem to be enough anymore. What had she become? Why had she done this to herself? To reach perfection. It had always been about being perfect. To be the child that her parents wanted her to be; who they expected her to be. And she was doing it. Her grades were good, her extracurricular’s were top notch, she was keeping both of her jobs in line. But she was falling completely apart.
And what was worse, she wasn’t even sure anybody noticed. Sure there had been the comment or two about how she needed to relax every now and then, but they never looked any further. They didn’t want to. If someone discovered what a problem she was, then they’d feel like she was an obligation. That they were the ones that needed to fix her and they simply didn’t want to put up with that. And she didn’t blame them. Who would want to take care of a teenager when most of them barely had enough time to take care of themselves? She was alone in this, but then, she kind of always had been.
She was born an only child, which meant all the pressures of being a good enough child for her parents had rested squarely on her. Had she had any siblings, perhaps the workload would’ve been more evenly spread, but instead she felt like she was Atlas, holding up the world on her shoulders alone.
Maybe it was her own fault, that no one seemed to notice the shell she had become. After all, every time accusations went flying, she told them it was something she could handle and that they shouldn’t worry themselves over it. She’d told the lie so many times that she almost started believing it herself. Until the panic attacks started. And the weight loss. And the insomnia. Luckily two out of the three were things that tended to happen late at night so they were out of the public’s eye, and the weight loss was easily covered by her lose fitted clothing. No one else had to know what was going on with her. And they didn’t. She’d been pretty good about putting a smile on for the world to see and acting the way she had before the drug had slowly taken over her life.
But now things were really going down hill. She hadn’t slept all weekend and it was taking a toll on her. Not even her best effort could get her to a reasonably ‘okay’ standing with the world at this point. But she had to keep going through the motions; sitting through class, taking notes, eating lunch with her friends, answering what questions she could actually comprehend. And then just like that, school was over, and Gretchen was on her way to play practice.
While the rehearsal itself was like any other, this time around it was one that she couldn’t handle. Half way through one of the dance routines, Gretchen found herself hopping off the stage and telling the director she felt nauseous and needed to go home. Without even waiting for a response she was well on her way to her house, or so she had thought. When the car finally stopped, it wasn’t her one story home she found in front of her, it was the park. What actually was going through her mind to have her wind up here, she had no idea, but here she was, and now she was climbing out of her car to walk over to one of the benches that faced the duck pond.
Maybe it was better she had drove here instead of home. Had she walked through the door before 4:30 she only would’ve been questioned as to why she wasn’t at play practice. And she just simply couldn’t lie today. She didn’t have the effort to. Reaching the wooden bench, Gretchen sat herself down and looked around at the abandoned park before she heard screaming that she later realized had been her own. And it felt great. It left her throat horse and a ringing in her ears, but she did it again to relieve the stress she’d felt clawing at her heart. Suddenly she found herself laying face up on the bench, watching the clouds slowly roll by as tears began to slide down her cheeks. She wanted out of this hole she had dug herself, but she was in too deep. No one was around to listen to her screams.
Gretchen hurried into her one level home, quietly shutting the front door behind her before making her way to her bedroom at the end of the hall. She tip toed past her parents room and collapsed on her bed while simultaneously tossing her back pack into the far corner so that she didn’t have to look at it any longer. Not the back pack really, that was perfectly harmless. But what it contained, in the dark deep recesses of its holding. Her progress report, for her classes this semester. She had been so sure she was doing well in all of her classes, but when she received the rectangular piece of paper, she felt her heart drop in to her stomach. Three B’s, and only two A’s. Now, for any other student, this might’ve been wonderful to see. They were passing grades, and they weren’t C’s. Who could complain? Her parents.
For all of her life, Gretchen’s parents had taught her to only give your best performance and if you weren’t satisfactory then you weren’t trying hard enough. And with both of them being high class doctors, it was clear that their expectations of their child were higher than most. After all, two incredibly intelligent and successful people could never have a child who was less than brilliant. It just wasn’t possible. So if Gretchen ever failed at something, it was because she was lazy. It had to have been. She simply wasn’t trying hard enough and that was what disappointed them the most every time. What they didn’t get was that Gretchen nearly pulled her hair out trying to be the level of perfection they wanted her to be.
She could remember when she did t-ball, how she always seemed to be one of the only players that ever got tagged out and never actually managed to make it to home plate. After every game she got the same speech from her parents, telling her how disappointed they were that she wasn’t trying hard enough. It wasn’t that she wasn’t fast, it was that she was barely even running. She was practically skipping, in their eyes, since it wasn’t the result that they wanted to see. Any excuse they could come up with as to explain why their child wasn’t a star in everything she did. Gretchen even remembered how the next year, she told her parents that the t-ball team had been disbanded due to not enough sign ups so she couldn’t try out for it again. Not true in the least bit. She just couldn’t handle going through another year of disappointed speeches. That was when she was 6.
To say she’d been through her fair share over other disappointing moments, was an understatement. Nothing was ever good enough, she was never good enough. Eventually her parents began to pick at her for different things, if it wasn’t one thing then it was another. Her mother tended to go more for the physical aspects of her daughters imperfections, while her father zoned in on the mental. Grades were everything, especially if she planned on becoming a doctor like the two of them. Which she still sometimes wondered if that was what she honestly wanted to do with her life. Become exactly like them.
Before Gretchen could even give more thought to what she would do about her situation, she heard the front door of their house open and close as a new person joined her in the quiet house. Soft footfalls were heard leading up to her room and with each step closer, Gretchen could feel her heart race up anxiously. Who would it be, who was the one that was coming to check up on her? She hoped it was Katarzyna, though she knew that was a fruitless wish. When the quick knock sounded on her door and the knob twisted to be opened, Gretchen looked up from where she lay to see the graying hair of her father peeking through. The expectant smile that crossed his features made her heart sink as she knew that he was already waiting to hear how she’d gotten straight A’s throughout the whole semester so far. There was no point in trying to hide it.
Sighing, she stretched across her bed and picked up her backpack, reaching in to pull out the paper that was greedily taken up by her father. The smile he’d originally come in with began to fade as he saw that there were not only B’s on the progress report, but more B’s than A’s. He wordlessly handed the piece of paper back to his daughter, his lips curled down in a sour frown. When his eyebrows began to furrow and his nostril flared in their tell tale way, Gretchen braced herself for the wrath he was trying to keep under control.
“It’s only a progress report. I can still get them to A’s.” She said desperately, hoping that this would be enough to sway him from the lecture. But there was no such luck, it only seemed to make him angrier. “Don’t give excuses. Goddammit, Gretchen. You can do better than this. Haven’t you been studying at all? Have you not been turning in your homework?” He looked at her accusingly, his eyes flaming as she saw him mentally try to cool down. Gulping away the knot that was forming in her throat, she nodded her head. “I have been. I really have been. It’s just that some of the tests…” She broke off, knowing that it was no use. No excuses. She simply needed to try harder. Dedicate more hours to studying, going over each homework assignment several times to make sure there wasn’t a thing out of place about it. She needed perfection.
Looking down at her hands, she let out a resigned sigh before looking back up at him. “I’m sorry. I’ll do better, I promise. By the time the report cards come out, they’ll all be A’s. I promise.” She looked him directly in the eye, promising not only him but herself as she spoke. She couldn’t keep disappointing him. Them. She would be the child they’d always wanted if it killed her.
Gretchen stretched as she she sat up in bed, wincing slightly as the sun breaking through her curtains managed to catch her eye. It was roughly 9 in the morning, and the young blonde contemplated falling back to sleep for another three hours, when she remembered something. It’s Christmas. A small smile curled up her lips as she threw back the blankets of her bed and made her way across the small bedroom she’d now been living in for four years. It really wasn’t anything in comparison to the one she’d had when she lived in LA, but she liked it nonetheless. It wasn’t too flashy, or super modern. It was simple. A little cramped, but Gretchen hardly had people over her place anyway, so it was perfect just for her.
Quietly opening her door to the skinny hallway, Gretchen stretched her head around to see if there was any sign of her parents. Their door was still closed and she couldn’t hear any sound coming from the living room. All clear. Popping her head back into her room, she made her way over to her bed and squatted down so that she could pick the presents she had wrapped for her family from underneath. They weren’t much, especially since she didn’t have a job, but her weekly income for doing chores around the house had helped out a bit. And really, with the way their Christmases had been the past four years since both her parents had lost their jobs, nothing big was expected from it anyway. It was just nice to know that they could still be a family regardless of how high or low class they were.
Walking through the skinny hallway and making an immediate right into the living room, due to their new home being a rancher, Gretchen walked swiftly over to the Christmas tree and placed the presents in the appropriate piles. One for dad, one for mom, one for mommom, and one for poppop. Her grandparents had been joining them for Christmas ever since her mom had moved back to Silver City. It was nice since she’d never really seen much of them before, but every time they came to visit it was like her mom was on high alert. For some reason their visits made her majorly stressed out, and then she usually took it out on Gretchen by telling her the things that she needed to improve on and should’ve known to do already. But she didn’t mind, it was something she’d grown used to. And really there was no point in arguing because she knew that she was always right.
Looking down at the presents, she smiled contently before making her way back to her room so that she could grab things for a shower. While most families stayed in their pajamas to open presents, it was expected in the Humphries household that you look nothing but picture perfect and presentable when outside of the bedroom and especially since guests were coming over. Even though they were her grandparents. Making sure to be quick, she made her way back to her bedroom where she dressed in the Christmas outfit her mother had specifically told her to wear. Personally she thought it wasn’t the best looking outfit in the world, a lose knee length bright red wool skirt, and a long sleeved turtle neck forest green wool top, but she would wear it anyway. To make her mom happy.
Blow drying and styling her hair, Gretchen looked into the mirror to finally see if she was presentable. Was there possibly anything that her mom could pick at her for? A loose hair? Stockings misaligned? Zipper off to the side instead of completely center in the back? She checked herself over 15 different times before she heard the doorbell ring to signal that her grandparents had arrived. Looking to her clock on her nightstand, she saw that it was already 11 o’clock. Crap. One last look to the mirror and she was certain that she was in good enough condition for no comments to be made for at least the first hour.
Speeding back to the living room, Gretchen put on the biggest of smiles as she saw her grandparents already standing in the entryway between the foyer and the living room. “Mommom, Poppop, I’m so glad to see you.” She gave them each a brief hug and a kiss to the cheek, earning a small smile and nod of approval from her mother out of the corner of her eye. Both her parents stood off to the side as if having Gretchen’s grandparents in their home was some type of unwanted disease, but she didn’t care. They were always so kind to her whenever the visited, and as much as she loved her parents, it was nice to have a breath of fresh air.
They all sat down on the couch, receiving their respective piles and opening them one at a time, going around in a circle to show each item off. Once the last gift had been opened, Gretchen cleaned up all the tossed aside paper and put away her gifts in respective areas of her room. When she came back she found her parents and her grandparents still lounging on the couch. Taking notice of the space between each couple, she decided to close the gap and sat in the middle, offering a small smile of peace offering when she could feel the tension that was obviously going on between her mother and and her parents.
“So tell me, Gretchen dear, how is school going?” Her grandmother asked with a loving smile only a grandmother could give. Gretchen cleared her throat, preparing to answer when her father spoke up for her instead. “She’s got three B’s and two A’s. For now, at least.” Gretchen turned to look at her father, though the tone of his voice already let her know what his facial expression would be. One of disappointment. She was supposed to be a straight A student, just like her parents, no ifs, ands, or buts about it. She gave an embarrassed smile, nodding as she turned to look back at her grandmother. “Yeah, I have a B in Math, History, and Science right now, and an A in English and Art.” Her grandmother only nodded in response, knowing that school was a touchy subject to be brought up with her parents around.
Instead, the elderly woman turned to her bag and pulled out a small round tin can that once she popped the lid open, revealed to contain sugar cookies for them to eat. Gretchen went to reach for one when she suddenly felt a quick but strong slap to her hand. Turning, she saw her mother giving a disapproving look and a shake of her head to signal that she shouldn’t take a cookie or else there would be consequences for it later. Gretchen only sighed and attempted a smile, leaning back on the couch and attempting to convey a message of apology to her grandmother that once again pulled back into herself and put the cookies away.
Finally the time had rolled around for them to get ready to go to church and Gretchen stood to go to her room only to be closely followed behind by her mother. Stopping her just short of her bedroom door, the older replica of Gretchen herself placed a firm and steady hand, the result of being such a well known and practiced doctor, onto her daughters shoulder and stared her down. “I know you were just being nice by taking the cookies Mommom brought, but I don’t want you ruining your figure. Besides, it looks like you could lose five anyway, your stomach’s starting to look a little soft.” Her mom whispered, offering a smile as though she’d just payed her daughter a compliment. Gretchen only silently nodded, taking in a deep breath to keep herself steady as she forced a smile in response. “You’re right, I was thinking of going to the gym anyway. Thanks mom.” The older woman’s smile grew as her hand lifted from Gretchen’s shoulder and rested briefly on her cheek in a motherly fashion. “Good. Now hurry up, you’ll make us late for church.”
“Pretty pretty please, don’t you ever ever feel like you’re less than, less than perfect. Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel like you’re nothing, you are perfect, to me.”
Gretchen made her way through the lunch room, firmly gripping her tray as she came back from purchasing her first time cafeteria food. It was her first day at the new high school since her move from Los Angeles and she had told her mom that she refused to bring a brown bag lunch on the first day, or else she’d be labeled as ‘that girl.’ Her mom had looked at her disapprovingly, nagging her that it was to help them with their expenses. “I promise I’ll eat bag lunches for the rest of the year, just please, not today.” Her mother had heaved a great sigh, continuing to look down upon her daughter in annoyance, but Gretchen gave a small whoop when she knew her case had been won.
As she slowly walked through the packed cafeteria, she wondered if she should just plop herself down with a group of people and start talking as if she’d known them for years. Or maybe she should just sit by herself and wait to see if anyone joined her. But that would look incredibly pathetic and stereotypical. The new kid eating by themselves as they looked upon their fellow classmates jealously. She would’ve only just been a step up from eating by herself in the bathroom. Sighing, she continued to walk around the room with even steps, trying not to look too obvious in her search for a place to sit. The only thing that was nearly as bad as eating alone, was frantically searching for people so that you didn’t have to.
Finally, Gretchen’s eyes found another pair staring back at her, clearly noting her search for a savior, and happily stepping forward in the moment. At least, that’s what she hoped the eye contact meant. She began the small trek to the table where the person sat, quickly looking over the other people that sat at the table. They all seemed nice enough looking, based on first appearance alone, definitely a group she could possibly fit in with. And there was even that one girl from her math class this morning. She offered them all a sheepish grin as she approached them, only for it to be replaced by a look of terror as her feet came out from underneath her. One of the nearby tables had been goofing around and someone’s drink had ended up on the ground. Right in Gretchen’s pathway.
It felt like there was a decade of silence as all the surrounding tables gasped and looked down at the new girl, splayed across the cafeteria food with her lunch covering her and the area. And just as long as the silence had felt, it didn’t last long enough before the laughter broke out. Gretchen felt herself color in the face as she quickly thought of a way to recover from this. A laugh escaped her as she looked at those who were laughing as well and gave a nonchalant shrug. “I’ve heard cafeteria food was bad, but I didn’t know it would actually attack me.” And suddenly the laughter was changing. It had been a corny line, but it had worked none the less. Picking herself up from her spot on the ground, she brushed off the food she was now fashionably wearing and walked the remaining steps to the table she’d been headed towards before the disaster. The boy she’d made eye contact with offered her a friendly smile before giving a small chuckle just for her. “Attacking you?” Gretchen only smiled and shrugged once again before playfully stealing one of the grapes off his tray and popping it in her mouth. “It could’ve been worse. I could’ve said I was already falling for this school.”
Sure, no problem! I hope you don’t mind if I make it Belle, because she’s my favorite Disney Princess :3
Hailee Steinfeld and Harry Styles
Requested by Harrystylesbabexoxo
Ahaha yeah that’s what I’d figured, but I just wanted to make sure. All done! ^_^